7-Y.O.'s Parenting Book More Scientific Than Sears

Bill and Bob Sears-- father and son-- are the patron saints of today's crunchy parenting community. You can't swing a dead cat in a green mommy group without hitting a citation of Dr. Sears. It's convenient: when you want to say or believe something that contradicts medical consensus, it's nice to be able to have at least one doctor whose name you can whip out as evidence that someone has your back.

I've been there. I still vividly recall my embarrassment when I tried to cite Sears seven years ago and was quickly shut down by a pediatrician who told me he wasn't very smart and was out to make a profit by telling parents what they wanted to hear. I wouldn't have guessed that I would ever be on the other side of the fence. I definitely wouldn't have guessed that my daughter-- the unvaccinated, breastfed, all-organic baby on my hip-- would be.

Yet here she is. My seven-year-old wrote a parenting book more evidence-based and scientific than Sears. I didn't put her up to this. She did all of her research independently of me by reading parenting magazines, parenting books, and handouts she got at our health department and pediatrician's office. In fact, when I tried to get her to revise her page about sleep safety, she absolutely refused, telling me that it's her book and she's going to go with what the experts say. I cosleep with her baby brother, so reading about how he could "DIE" because of my decision was a little unnerving-- even though I know I weighed those risks against the risk I was taking by accidentally falling asleep with him in the rocking chair.

Here's what my daughter had to say.

Cover:

Being a Big Sister, Big Brother, Mommy, or Daddy

by: Vivian Russo

Table of Contents:

1. I'm going to teach you about...
2. How can we work together?
3. You should feed ___ to your baby
4. Where should my baby sleep?
5. When should I take my baby to the doctor?
6. What should I do if my baby has a diaper rash?
7. When should I feed my baby solids?
8. What should I be expecting?
9. How do I know when to feed my baby?
10. What can I do to help my baby's development?
11. How am I going to know when my baby will do what?
12. How do I show love to my baby?





Title Page:

Being a Big Brother, Big Sister, Mommy, or Daddy

by: Vivian Russo










I'm Going to Teach You About...

Hello, my name is Vivian! I am the author of this book that you're reading. I am 7 and I am going to teach you about being a parent or an older sibling! Also I am a big sister! My baby brother's name is Darwin! 

How Can We Work Together?

Working together is simple. All you have to do is think hard! My mommy, Juniper, has always thought of ways that I can help with Darwin! So has my Mer-Mer [other mommy], Meredith!

You Should Feed _____ to Your Baby

Babies under six months should have food that is mashed up and looks like apple-sauce but with a different color. Make sure that it is safe for your baby. To do this, use your memory. If your baby's pediatrician said your baby can have it, it is safe for your baby. So is it if there is a picture of something your baby can do on it. Some babies that are five months old can have apple-sauce.

Where Should My Baby Sleep?

The safest place for your baby to sleep is in a crib. It's not just that your baby has to be in a crib. The crib [should be] in the baby's parents' room. Here is why. If your baby does not sleep in your room, it will increase the risk of SIDS! Just like what would happen if you baby sleeps on his tummy! Now, why your baby shouldn't sleep in your bed: if your baby sleeps in your bed, you can roll over on him. In a crib, there is no one who can possibly roll over on the baby! Also there is nothing that can stop your baby from rolling off the bed. Newborn babies can DIE if they roll off the bed . In a baby's crib, if a baby rolls too far, they would just bonk their head a little. Also, never put blankets in a baby's crib, because they can get on their face, stop breathing, and DIE!

When Should I Take My Baby to the Doctor?

You should take your baby to the doctor when your baby has an appointment there, or is sick, or is hurt. Usually, when your baby has a doctor's appointment, it is because your baby needs a vaccination. Vaccinations prevent sicknesses and do not cause autism. In fact, my mommy didn't vaccinate me when I was a baby and yet I'm autistic! Also, if you hear that your baby is going to take a medicine that you don't want your baby to take, DON'T argue with the doctor! Ask questions instead.

What Should I Do If My Baby Has a Diaper Rash?

If your baby has a diaper rash, treat it with ointment. The best ointment is zinc-oxide ointment!

When Should I Feed My Baby Solids?

Once your baby's pediatrician says it is okay, your baby can have any food that it is able to bring to its mouth besides pecans, marshmallows, peanuts, and other things that are small or hard to chew.

What Should I be Expecting?

If you're pregnant with a baby, expect it to be like you: hungry a lot and hard to take care of.

How Should I Know When To Feed My Baby?

Newborn babies shake their heads and suck their thumbs when they are hungry. Other babies cry when they are hungry. Breast milk is best for babies. Formula is good, too. Don't give babies real milk!

What Can I Do To Help My Baby's Development?

Babies have good eyesight on things that are black-and-white. The book Look-Look is full of black and white things! Order it online to help with your baby's development.

How Do I Know When My Baby Will Do What?

Your baby's pediatrician will know, or you can contact Early Intervention to find out about it. All babies develop differently.

How Should I Show Love to My Baby?

Now that you have read my book, showing love to your baby is simple now that you know more about them!















Clearly, my seven-year-old has a firmer grasp on science than the leaders of the Cult of the Natural Mom. Here's what she got right that Bill and Bob Sears got wrong.

Introducing Solids: 

What my seven-year-old says: "If your baby's pediatrician said your baby can have it, it is safe for your baby. So is it if there is a picture of something your baby can do on it. Some babies that are five months old can have apple-sauce." [This refers to the labels on foods that say "supported sitter," "sitter," "crawler," or "toddler."] / "Once your baby's pediatrician says it is okay, your baby can have any food that it is able to bring to its mouth besides pecans, marshmallows, peanuts, and other things that are small or hard to chew."

What Dr. Sears says: "It's best to wait until at least six months to introduce solid food." / "By six to seven months of age, the intestines are mature and able to filter out more of the offending allergens. That's why it's particularly important to delay introducing solid foods if there is a family history of food allergy, especially to delay introducing foods to which other family members are allergic."

What the science says: Vivian is right. Sears is wrong. The AAP confirms it's okay to introduce solids foods, including highly allergenic foods, when the baby's pediatrician approves and when he has reached the necessary developmental milestones (which can happen for some babies at as early as four months of age). And the science shows that waiting too long for solids actually increases the risk of food allergies.

Safe Sleeping

What my seven-year-old says: "The safest place for your baby to sleep is in a crib. It's not just that your baby has to be in a crib. The crib [should be] in the baby's parents' room. Here is why. If your baby does not sleep in your room, it will increase the risk of SIDS! Just like what would happen if you baby sleeps on his tummy! Now, why your baby shouldn't sleep in your bed: if your baby sleeps in your bed, you can roll over on him. In a crib, there is no one who can possibly roll over on the baby! Also there is nothing that can stop your baby from rolling off the bed. Newborn babies can DIE if they roll off the bed . In a baby's crib, if a baby rolls too far, they would just bonk their head a little. Also, never put blankets in a baby's crib, because they can get on their face, stop breathing, and DIE!"

What Dr. Sears says: Sears claims that bed-sharing with a baby is actually safer than having a baby sleep in your room in a separate bed. He supports this claim by pointing out that all of his kids bed-shared and survived, and by collecting testimonials from parents who bed-share, whose babies aren't dead.

What the science says: Vivian is right. Sears is wrong. A massive study, the largest of its kind, examined rates of sleep-related death in babies across all different parenting styles and found that babies who bed-share have a higher rate not just of suffocation and overlaying, but also SIDS itself, compared to babies who sleep separately from their parents. This risk exists even when parents practice safer cosleeping. That's not exactly welcome news to me, since I bed-share with my son, but science is real whether I like it or not. That's why the American Academy of Pediatrics is clear on their sleep safety recommendations, which are identical to my daughter's. Room-share, but don't bed share, and put babies on their backs in a crib with no pillows or blankets.

Vaccines
What my seven-year-old says: "Vaccinations prevent sicknesses and do not cause autism. In fact, my mommy didn't vaccinate me when I was a baby and yet I'm autistic!"

What Dr. Sears says: "Some research shows that the measles virus in the MMR vaccine, which is given at age 1, may be one of the 'triggers' that begins the cascade of intestinal inflamation that leads to brain inflammation and autism. Honestly, I've read ALL the research, and both sides present good data and good arguments."

What the science says: Vivian is right. Sears is wrong. To date, there have been 118 studies-- 107 of them on this list-- proving that vaccines don't cause or 'trigger' autism. They are all much, much larger and more reliable than the single fraudulent study carried out by a rogue physician who is no longer permitted to practice medicine. Millions upon  millions upon millions of children have now been studied, and it is clear that vaccinated children do not have higher rates of autism. That's why it's the consensus of the American Academy of Pediatrics, the Centers for Disease Control, and every other major medical establishment in the industrialized world that vaccines do not cause autism.

Medication
What my seven-year-old says: "Also, if you hear that your baby is going to take a medicine that you don't want your baby to take, DON'T argue with the doctor! Ask questions instead."

What Dr. Sears says: "Try to avoid over-treating with unnecessary antibiotics [...] If the ear is not red or bulging and your child is acting fine, you may not need another course of antibiotics."

What the science says: Vivian is right. Sears is wrong. While increased antibiotic resistance is a serious consequence of the overuse of antibiotics-- something caused largely by the use of antibiotics in animal agriculture-- it is not a parent's place to decide when they are, or are not, necessary. The AAP advises doctors to be more judicious about when to prescribe antibiotics. It does not ask parents to make that call. If you're not a physician yourself, you are not in a position to "try to avoid over-treating." Ask questions if you're concerned. If your doctor thinks it's okay to forgo antibiotics, great. But don't make that call yourself.

Early Intervention
What my seven-year-old says: "Your baby's pediatrician will know, or you can contact Early Intervention to find out about it. All babies develop differently."

What Dr. Sears says: Sears's website has many articles about child development. Not a single one of them advises parents to talk to a pediatrician or Early Intervention about developmental delays.

What the science says: Vivian is right. Sears is wrong. Hands-down. The American Academy of Pediatrics, Zero to Three, and the CDC all strongly encourage regular developmental screening and early intervention for children who are not hitting developmental milestones on target. Science shows that there are essentially no drawbacks to early intervention: no side effects, no risks. Yet early intervention dramatically improves the wellbeing and learning of children with developmental differences. They speak, run, play, interact, and learn at a much, much faster pace and more completely than their similarly delayed peers who do not get EI.

Bonding
What my seven-year-old says: "Showing love to your baby is simple."

What Dr. Sears says: Well, there's an entire culture behind this one. Dr. Sears claims that his highly marketed form of parenting is the be-all, end-all of baby bonding. He warns against formula, cribs, strollers, and all those other tools for not-quite-so-perfect moms who don't necessarily want their children attached to them like limbs at all times.

What the science says: Vivian is right. Sears is wrong. there are as many ways to bond with babies as there are babies. Bonding is highly individual and varies based on the needs of the individual parent and the individual child. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises parents to bond through eye contact and loving touch, but emphasizes that babies with traumatic births and babies who can not be breastfed can still bond successfully.

This last part is what means the most to me, out of my daughter's entire masterpiece. When I had her, I honestly believed that, if I didn't do everything according to the rules prescribed by Sears, I would somehow not have the close bond with her that I desperately craved and wanted. As a result, I made myself sick and exhausted through years of unnecessary toil. I worsened my scoliosis-related back pain by wearing her for years. I gave myself premature osteoporosis by breastfeeding her for two-and-a-half years while battling an eating disorder. I went years without going out, or spending time with friends, or even remembering who I was outside of "Mama."

And it was all unnecessary. I don't regret bonding with my daughter, but when I had my son, I quickly learned that breastfeeding, baby-wearing, and immersive, all-consuming parenthood are not necessary-- or even always helpful-- for creating a strong bond between parent and child. In fact, my bond with my son was strengthened by the fact that I weaned him when it was medically necessary, that I sometimes leave him with babysitters when I need a break, and that I pee in peace without wearing him with me into the bathroom. I love him just as deeply and completely as his sister, because I bonded with him in the unique way that he and I both needed-- Sears be damned.

The Sears family isn't just sanctimonious. It's dangerous. They fuel the culture of women who forgo medically necessary medication so that they can breastfeed. Of moms who use the proven-dangerous alternative vaccine schedule recommended by Sears, unknowingly jeopardizing their children in the process. Of moms who make medical decisions that contradict the expertise of their pediatricians, because Sears told them that mom knows best.

My allegedly brain-damaged 7-year-old can tell the difference between Sears and science. Can you?

"Natural" Parenting is Unfeminist and Unnatural

I'm sure you've seen the tee-shirt. It's an old cliche that's been circulating since the first wave of feminists cleared the path we stand in today.

Across the chest, in clear, all-caps font, it reads, "This is what a feminist looks like."

"Feminist" can look like many things-- fat, thin, black, white, athletic, disabled, young, old, male, female. But I couldn't have imagined that the shirt would ever look so painfully ironic on me. I remember catching a glimpse of it in the mirror when my oldest child was two years old. I was emaciated, sick, dirty, and sallow. My eyes were mad with panic and sleep deprivation. I couldn't remember the last time I'd showered or slept. I was losing it.

This is what a feminist looks like, indeed.

We rarely discuss the hidden costs of what the crunchy community calls "natural" parenting. We rarely talk about the toll it takes on women and the number of moms who have struggled, hurt, and even died because of a desire to fill the role of Perfect Mom. But natural parenting has a human cost. And women are almost always the ones who pay the price.

Let's consider, for example, Charlotte Bevan. She and her baby died because she stopped taking her medication for schizophrenia so she could breastfeed her baby.

Then there's Joanne Whale. She wanted a natural birth and trusted her body. She died as a result.

Or what about Katy Isden? She took her own life in devastation because her baby was unable to breastfeed.

Those are only the deaths of course. They don't account for all the other pains and toils of being a "natural" mom. They don't account for how it feels when it's two in the morning and you're absolutely covered in vomit and you really need to put your crying child down for a minute to take a shower, but you can't because your child shouldn't ever have to cry.

                                   

They don't account for how it feels when your doctor prescribes you a medicine that might impact your sleep, and when you ask your mom friends for advice getting your baby to sleep in his own crib, they all tell you to stop taking your medicine or to let your baby sleep with you anyway-- and you know that they're telling you to choose between risking your life or your child's.

They don't account for when you're in your twenty-third hour of posterior labor with a nine-pound baby and you're screaming in pain but know that you'd be betraying everything you believe in if you ask for an epidural.

They don't account for when you're extremely sick and you're so dehydrated that you pass out every time you try to stand, but your spouse keeps bringing you the baby so you can breastfeed him, and you don't even think of formula as an option.

They don't account for when you're "baby-wearing" your four-year-old and your back hurts so bad that you're near tears, but because she's a special-needs kid with gross motor delays, you can't let her walk... and you always swore you'd never buy a stroller.

They don't account for when your baby has never taken a bottle, and Dr. Sears and Dr. Newman both say that's fine-- even preferable-- and while you nurse your baby, you start weeping over how much you would give to just be able to leave him with someone else for an hour.

They don't account for when you banned food coloring and preservatives from your home and have to explain to your children why they can't have a Superman birthday cake or eat their Halloween candy.

They don't account for when you have to shake rotavirus diarrhea out of a cloth diaper while you're struggling with untreated morning sickness, and you retch and gag and dry-heave over and over.

They don't account for when your two-year-old is screaming in pain from an ear infection and you just keep putting garlic oil in it, hoping that it will somehow solve the problem, until you finally go to the doctor and hope that your crunchy friends never find out.

They don't account for when you really, truly, desperately miss your career, and you fantasize all day about just having a normal job and picking you kids up from daycare, but instead, you're at home spraying poop off your cloth diapers and wondering if anyone is ever going to know your deep, dark secret about wanting to go to work.

"Natural" parenting hurts. But more than it hurts men or even children, it hurts women. We are held to a superhuman standard of behavior. We are not supposed to have human needs. We are not supposed to need a night out with friends, or a job, or hobbies. We're not supposed to want to spend the day anywhere besides the playground, the farmer's market, the kitchen, or the homeschool co-op. We are not supposed to want sex, or alcohol, or soda, or babysitters. We are supposed to spend every moment of every day enslaved to our children, folding to their every whim, and we are supposed to enjoy it.

That's what the culture of crunchy motherhood-- the greener-than-thou cliques of organic Stepford Wives-- orders of us. That's why, in the "Bible" of attachment parenting authored by definitely-not-a-mother William Sears, all but one in twenty paragraphs is directed at mothers. It's why attachment parenting Facebook groups have a 98% female membership. It's why there are no beards anywhere to be seen at cloth diaper meetups. The culture of natural parenthood tells us that parenting is hard, and that those of us who give birth have an obligation to bear these burdens ourselves.

Real "natural" parenting: Aka Father with his son.

Perhaps the strangest reality of natural motherhood is that it isn't, in fact, natural. Women in hunter-gatherer societies actually have a tremendous amount of help caring for their children. Aka fathers, for example, hold their babies for about 20% of the day and most of the night, only passing them off to Mom or grandma to feed. Overall, hunter-gatherer fathers are actually more involved and more attached to their babies than people surviving by any other means of agriculture or production. If we want to live "naturally," we need to hold other caregivers responsible for our babies-- not just the parent who happens to have given birth.

Of course, it's never a good idea to do anything just because it's natural. But, if your goal is to live in the way that humans were designed to live, the kind of attachment parenting that places near-sole responsibility of children on their mothers' shoulders isn't the way to go. Real natural mothers have help. They have sisters, brothers, husbands, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends who feed, nurse, and otherwise care for their babies. They don't spend the first three years of their babies' lives as most crunchy moms do-- drowning in sleep deprivation and worry. They have help.

We need to abandon the toxic, sexist culture that has come to dominate the natural parenting community. The culture of crunchy moms that values a child's every whim over the human needs of his mother is not a sustainable culture at all. It's time to shed our conceptions of motherhood as an arms-race to see who is the most successful martyr of natural parenting. It's time to stop shaming mothers who can't, or don't, breastfeed, cloth-diaper, stay at home, homeschool, buy organic, and cosleep.

It's time to evolve.