Geology Cured My Cancer! - The Crazy World of "Crystal Healing"

We all know that there are people out there so desperate to cure their ailments, that they will do anything to cure them. Except use modern medicine. Maybe because they believe in one of the many medical conspiracy theories out there, or because they want to do things "more naturally".

One of these many forms of alternative "healing" and "medicine" is crystal healing.

Crystal healing is, in the most simple of terms, the use of rocks precious and semi-precious stones to "heal" someone's ailments. What do these crystals heal, supposedly? Well, apparently EVERYTHING.

"Got scoliosis? There's a crystal for that!"

That's right, next time you get Taco Bell diarrhea or grandma starts getting so many wrinkles that she looks like a ringed out washcloth, there is really no need to call a doctor or hit up your local dermatologist! Just put some rocks crystals in your general vicinity and your bowel movements and grandma's skin will be rock solid.

The amount of attempts to even try to give proof to crystal healing are little. Mostly just "Hey, we've been doing this for a while now! And that's proof enough!" along with the claim that crystals all have magic frequencies that stimulate your body's own healing system.

The issue is, however, there is literally no proof of any of this other than crystal healers and sellers saying that it's true. And like many other holistic and alternative medicines, people aren't looking for a lot of proof or asking for it. They just hear "it's natural, non-traditional, ancient medicine!" and run with it. Even if their legs are cramping. 

Another issue? Different healers don't even agree on what each crystal does. There is, of course, no American Academy of Crystal Healing to try and keep things consistent and safe. So if Joe Blow Crystal Healer 1 says that amethyst can help with blood problems, breathing problems, and feeling more calmly, Mike Hunt Crystal Healer 2 will say that it will help your acne, eczema, tumors, and even telekinesis.

The closest thing that you can get to crystals actually healing you is the placebo affect. One study done in 2001 by the head of the anomalistic psychology research unit at the University of London gave 80 participants either fake or real crystals and asked them to hold them and meditate with them for 5 minutes. The results? "The researchers found that the effects reported by those who held fake crystals while meditating were no different than the effects reported by those who held real crystals during the study."

And here's the biggest catch of them all: We all know that the more insane a holistic treatment is, the more expensive it is. Well the purchasing of crystals can go from the cost of a cup of coffee to the cost of a 2006 Kia Sorento!  That's right folks, for the low, low price of $5,000 you can have your own 14lb Clear Quartz Specimen Cluster to help with your AIDS, toothache, inner child and friendships!

Crystal growing kit? Finally! Put this next to my pot plants and I'll have my own FARMacy!

Is crystal healing dangerous? No. So long as you don't use crystals like realgar which is packed full of arsenic.  You know, like the thing anti-vaxxers think is in vaccines but totally isn't. So, arsenic in realgar for "detoxification and reducing or removing dependency." and to "increase fertility and ameliorate sexual problems or lack of sexual energy." is good ,but arsenic in vaccines (which, again, isn't there) is bad?

But overall, the casual act of surrounding yourself with expensive, useless "gems" are only dangerous for your wallet, so long as you don't use them to replace modern medical treatments. But using them in place of medical care is dangerous, deadly, and stupid.